why i still hate "soccer"

this is the blog in which i am supposed to eat my words. the previous blog was about why i hate soccer; a sort of “before” blog, this is the “after” blog. (also, an excerpted version of this blog has been written as a letter to the MLS, portland timbers and san jose earthquake.)  a couple words may be crunched and gulped, but most will be composted.  though i liked the timbers-earthquake game in some ways that i wouldn’t have expected, i actually liked the whole of the experience way less than i was expecting. 

going to a timbers game was not the worst thing i have ever done.  it was naturally a blast of a time.  but then again, there was never any question whether it was going to be fun.  a weekend in portland is already fun, regardless of what you do.  i could probably even have a good time at a trailblazers game.  but i won’t because i can do any number of better things in portland.  the soccer match itself was relatively entertaining (from what i saw and remember of it).  it was good enough that i might consider going a timbers game again.  but in the end, it’s still professional sports, so i wouldn’t count on it. 

the cool points :: the tenacity, the flag waving, the smoke, the chants (well, as they relate to the tenacity). the concessions and restrooms are relatively easily accessible, though the prices are still beyond ridiculous like all other sports events.  the stadium (minus it’s name) is very nice.  it is maybe the best part of the entire experience.  it’s cozy inside and sits squarely in the middle of town in between other buildings, like you would expect in the days of forbes field.

the not cool points :: it’s still soccer, which i will forever maintain is a game, not a sport.

the fact that the players of that game love taunting and arrogance more than most sports gives me a little chuckle. they talk tough and then feign injuries to get penalties. it’s on par with the NBA in the ridiculousness factor. if i wanna watch something sling shit and then duck and wallow around on the floor, i will go to the zoo and watch monkeys.  until the refs start allowing the guys who talk shit to get that shit beaten out of them, it is not a sport, it’s a game played by it’s own arbitrary rules. 

but i made that point before. the ultimate question was whether it was a good time?  i don’t know.  interesting to every end, but good depends on your tastes.

i conceded all my morals by wearing a ducks hat (because it was green).  that hat has been useful and comes with it’s own history lesson, but it is now forever retired.  there will be a good bye ceremony to the hat for anyone interested in attending.  (on a side note, during this same weekend trip i also decided i am not a beavers fan. but the only factor in that decision that relates to this blog is the part of my being purely a mike riley fan and the sportsmanlike, respectable, blue collar, fan appreciative nature type aspects of the program he has instilled at oregon state.) 

of the many discussions that could start around the nature of the activities at jeld-wen field, i  will say this: it is as close to the atmosphere of the denver broncos in kansas city during the john elway era as a rabid sports fan should be able to find. that’s saying a lot, but coming from me is not intended to be a compliment.  this is the kind of environment where an obnoxious fan of the opposing team stands a very real chance of being beaten to death.  and when it does happen, it will happen with very little consequences because professional sports are very profitable.  and as i frequently say, laws are only created based on profitability factors, not things like public safety.  as if the government cares if a person gets beaten to death for being a drunken idiot.  still, the organization and the public representatives of portland would put on their game face and have many condolences and apologies and claim to work to prevent it from ever happening.  but the reality of it is that the consequences themselves refocus people’s priorities until the incident is forgotten.  the law enforcer reaction is not all that necessary to the process.  and any bad incident would soon be forgotten because the rate of violence in america is even more distracting.  sad stories are everywhere. they have a ten minute shelf-life. only if the person killed were in some way connected to an important person in society, then we might remember for a longer time, but basically it gets swept under the rug.  and the nature of a society like that is not one i want to be complicit in supporting. 

let’s think for a minute about the nature of this in relative terms. the tenacity is great. the spirit is refreshing. the nature of the chants aren’t even necessarily reproachable.  but!  the difference between a right to free speech and abuse can be a fine line.  and as the rabble rouser, i do have some responsibility to grant someone the right to speak how they feel.  thus, i run the risk of sounding like a stuffy old bureaucrat that never gets out of the office. remember public enemy’s fear of a black planet when the dude calls in says, “how was it?  it was one of the most appalling things i have ever seen. there were gentleman on either side of the stage holding fake uzis.”  i need to be careful here to not sound like that guy. 

chants, led by cheerleaders, that encourage obscenities shouted at the opposing teams fans, flipping the middle finger and all else is fine. the san jose players thrived on that, they wanted it. and from i heard in the pre-game, the san jose fans thrived on it coming toward them. but for it to be sanctioned by the organization is obscene!  every time i have been seen drunk sports fans insulting each other there was a fight.  i have been in a stadium of 80,000 people shouting obscenities at each other.  it is a scary environment.  i am pretty sure, the portland timbers do not want to see a fight involving hundreds or thousands of people.  when an opposing fan or player does get killed one day at a timbers game, then this can be proof that the timbers, the city of portland, and even the MLS, don’t care about the fans or consider potential virus to be a problem.

making it more compelling of a story is to consider why this behavior happens.  is soccer an intrinsically violent sport?  i never believed this, but maybe now can start to. while i do believe that cockiness can inspire resentment, soccer players being more cocky than your average athlete would, by logic, be target to violent acts.  but there should be no logical reason why soccer is more violent than football or hockey.  essentially soccer is not much different than the modern version of lacrosse, which is only one step away from games like golf with a subdued quiet clap, fingertip to the palms.  there is nothing intimidating about the nature of soccer, so there is no reason to expect the fans to react differently. 

what i am more likely to presume goes back to along the lines of the last blog about the MLS being a “soccer” league with teams masquerading as a “futbol” league.  i think american soccer fans are just trying to mimic the rest of the world’s soccer games and compete for what is big, relevant news.  and the rest of the world soccer fans have been known to be violent on occasion.  however, that situation has nothing to do with soccer, and everything to do with national pride.  some countries can only afford to field one national team. so when that one game comes it’s a huge deal versus the hated neighboring country.  then the stadium is filled with 100,000 fans that earn $1 day from some foreign corporation.  and then if these poor people have to watch their national representatives, who earn exorbitant salaries, lose to the hated opponent, then a little bloodshed makes a lot of sense.  that’s their identity.  it’s a very real war.  these elements don’t exist in american sports.  we have hundreds of professional sports leagues and field more teams in the olympics than most of the other countries combined.  we don’t have to worry about losing a medal or a championship because there is always tomorrow in the next event.  but, turn the tables and say that all of the united states only had one football team and the only game that mattered was the super bowl versus russia.  i would expect people to die in that situation.  as it is, i don’t expect people to die at american sporting events.  but then again there is always the next idiot like at the boston marathon to steal the headlines.  so how true is my point?  needless to say, if someone had been killed in portland on sunday, it would have been forgotten in boston on monday.  in any case, americans still rank pretty highly on the dumb list.  so we stoop to the level of what is exciting in other places.

then there was the irony that brings the entire story into it’s cohesive whole. i spent the afternoon with a friend who lives in snob hill, a short walk from the soccer field.  she complained often about how she will never find a boyfriend until she moves to a different neighborhood because all the men are gay.  so now, in the same neighborhood, i watch a game in which a san jose player gets ejected and then calls a timbers player gay on tv.  it makes for a perfect news story in this modern age.  it makes the next meeting of the two teams all the more profitable.  so, the “strong stand” of the earthquakes organization is nothing but smoke and mirrors. the league wants controversy. it sells tickets. and that gets sponsors.  being that violence is also quite profitable in america, the more offensive the insult the better for business.  the MLS surely feels desperate and needs to pull out all the tricks to succeed against so many other sports leagues.  but this whole “beacon of diversity, community and equality” that the earthquakes press release touts is a laugh.  they do not seem serious by giving a three game suspension.  to send a real message, give a season long ban.  for the love of god, shoeless joe jackson did nothing wrong and he’s still banned sixty years after he died!  alan gordon gets a three game suspension and that’s taking a tough stand!  show him the door!   oh, but no, that would remove all the tension and make the rematch less compelling.  and then the earthquakes would be losing their striker and, as such, would not be a contender for the MLS cup.  so if the organization doesn’t want to be serious, the MLS should put them on probation.  however, responsible actions would involve integrity and business doesn’t thrive when integrity is taken into consideration.  one business owner can’t put his friend and business partner out of work. it’s not going to be good for business.

we now have a system in place to completely allow free speech in respect to the timbers army chanting “fuck you!” to the other teams fans, but alan gordon can’t call someone gay.  the hypocrisy is killing me.  the timbers, the earthquake and the MLS are more guilty of inciting violence than alan gordon is of being homophobic. and until recieves an equivalent punishment or some serious action is undertaken, i most certainly will not watch another MLS game. 

might i also add that a bar in the neighborhood also had a sandwich board that read “i like my beer like i like my violence. domestic.”  and in corvallis, a beavers fan told me he hates nothing more than the ducks and the only time he cheers for them is when the plane is going down.  hearing someone be called gay was far from the worst thing i heard all weekend.

this is why i say the game was interesting.  deep and compelling, but in the end i only know the names of two players and that’s because of the sensationalist news ctories that keep being created around the supposed homophobic slur.  the probability is not too good that i will have any knowledge of how many games the timbers win this year or who wins the MLS cup. i already forgot who won the world series last year, why will i care about this year’s soccer final?

and why would i be inclined to go back?  i can drink a $4 beer at any bar in portland and watch a game on a tv.  much better of an experience than not being able to see the game because of spending most of the game buying $8 beer.  i want a sport where i can pay $5 to sit close enough to see the sweat, and not be bothered with other activities so that i can watch every play, down to every juke and hesitation.  that’s why i never have any intention of going to a blazers game, but can watch every EOU basketball game.  and the price itself isn’t the biggest issue.  it’s the primadonna players that bring in more viewers.  it’s the support of rich, stuffy bureaucrat owners.  like the music scene the size of coachella necessarily means that it doesn’t need my support.  the trailblazers do fine without me in attendance.  the timbers will continue to do fine without me.  but i do know that my attendance at a few EOU basketball games has made at least a little difference.  so even a free ticket to sit behind the timbers or the blazers bench, is not as cool as if i paid the $10 to sit behind the EOU bench.  that makes a greater impact, it’s a more rewarding experience.  plus, EOU fans at least have some sportsmanship.  the portland timbers have about as much as kansas city chiefs fans did in the 90s, before they became irrelevant.  now soccer is trendy is kansas city and all of the rowdy fair weather fans go to that soccer team’s games.  someday, soccer won’t be as trendy in america as it is today, though in a sports starved market like the northwest i expect the timbers will always be an exception. nonetheless, there will come a time when having put forth so much as a fan will be less of an investment and more of an expense.

but was it a good time?  yes.  it was a good time.  but next time i will go to the bender festival at star theatre instead.  two of my favorite bands at a garage festival, which was rare for even portland, not to mention will not happen in la grande for about 250 years was a dumb thing to skip when i would rather go see an EOU soccer game than the timbers anyway.